Sexual Harassment

At work a guy called Scary lifted my dress up so people saw my pants (I normally wear shorts underneath but yesterday was just too hot.  It was so embarrassing and humiliating that I went and cried in the cellar for a while while his girlfriend shouted at him.  There was this other guy who had pulled on my dress earlier in the evening who was sat with Scary and he was laughing and saying that I should expect stuff like that because I’m a bar maid so Rae, Scary’s girlfriend, threw a drink in his face.  Then my mum and pete turned up and the last time I saw both of them it was all insults.  My mum yelled at them, pete wanted to punch Scary and everything was going tits up.  Now Mon, the owner is getting a sign put up because I’ve had too many comments made and this action was too far.  Stupid idiot men.  I’m not going to press charges or get him barred but it’s made me not like work very much any more and now I will definitely wear shorts, no matter how hot it is.

Alright Rob, I’ll write you a post but I’m sure people are fed up with hearing about my mental mother and my own emotional dysfunction because of it.

I’m still at Aarons and quite honestly I am really happy here.  I really do love him so much and it’s the best thing in the world to share everything and anything, you’re whole life with one person.  We don’t argue and we tidy up after each other like we’d rather do something nice for the other one instead of ourselves.  I won’t go on too much because I know that some people crave/want to have this with someone and it will seem like I’m rubbing it in their faces but I’m not, promise! I will say this though; the other day at the cafe the girls were saying that they would be happy for me if I were to get married and have a baby and that really meant a lot to me.  I always thought that everyone would disapprove if that were to happen but I clearly didn’t trust my friends enough.  Silly me.  Aaron and I won’t do those things yet because we have uni but I’m certain we will after.

I miss Kirsten.  I really fucking miss her.  I will never ever ever forgive my mum for splitting us up and shortening the time we have together before uni.  I miss her weirdness, her farts, her socks at the end of the bed, her sleeping in my bed, constantly telling her to tidy up, us being a team, me doing her hair and make up, her looking up to me because I’m her big sister and we’re best friends.  It honestly feels like a part of me is missing.

I miss Amber.  I still see her all the time but not the same.  I don’t have time to do stuff but I promise we’re going to watch stardust in summer and have chats.

I miss Rob and talking to him every single day.

I miss Laura because she thinks it’s not the same anymore.  I’m doing my best to get back to normal (:

I miss Dil but I know we can always talk to each other the same as we always have, even if we don’t talk for months.

I miss Merve being Merve.  I’ll ask her to come and watch stardust too.

I miss Lucy and our biology chats and Cath Kidston loving together.

Now I’ll go on to talk about my mothers recent antics.  Last weekend she said a lot of horrible stuff, admitted she’d failed me but still said she was proud of what she’d done and that I should move out sometime anyway so she’s done me a favor.  I swear she’s got some kind of mental illness.  She also insulted Aarons mum and called her rude which was so embarrassing since Aarons mum has taken me in and looked after me.  I told her to avoid talking to me til exams are over

This weekend I was on the phone to kirst and she mentioned she was going to get her photo for her passport taken at the co-op so I asked If it would be okay if mum would also get me and take me to argos to get my exercise bike.  She said it was fine but when we got in the car she started arguing with me, despite kir telling her repeatedly to stop it.  Then she pulled over and told me to get out, i refused.  Apparently I was rude to Pete at the pub and she ‘didn’t appreciate it’ (I just asked why he was driving my mums car) and then she started saying that Aarons mum was ignorant and rude (Aaron was in the car and he only refrained because I’ve never wanted him to get involved).  I said that “at least Aarons mum had took me in when you didn’t want me” to which she replied “well can you blame me?”.  That was one of the most hurtful things she’s ever said to me.  Worse than fat, selfish, stupid, cow, sod, little shit, spaz, spotty, arrogant, vindictive, childish, foolish, idiot, lazy, incompetent, annoying, bossy, controlling…I’m sure there are others.  The reason that line hurt the most is because it actually meant that she really doesn’t want me and she’s my mum.  My own mum doesn’t want me, she doesn’t like me or love me and she’s washed her hands of me.  Now I’m gone she can get on with moving in with Pete, the fucking twat, who ‘doesn’t like beign around teenage girls’ and Kyran who never fucking talks to anyone and does whatever the fuck he wants because he’s spoiled. Pete told me to ‘stop boring him with my self opinionated ranting’ and then went on to say he’s considering ‘not being in a relationship’.  Both of them are fucking children.  If they break up with each other every 5 minutes then they really shouldn’t be buying a house together? They deserve each other.  The shits. 

Oh, I called my mum a cunt for the first time.  I’ve never called anyone a cunt.  I said it because she said she doesn’t want me and she offended the woman who is looking after me.  Cunt. 

After my mum abandoned me, kir and Aaron on the highstreet we went to take kirs passport photo and then went to McDonald’s to have some fun, then we carried my exercise bike from argos to the bus stop and got the bus home.  Cool story, you asked for it Rob! 

I love my exercise bike.  I’m ill.  My mum is a cunt.  I miss people but they’re still here so I can fix it (: I’m really looking forward to Ibiza and camping! 

I love you guys ♥

…

Having your mum reject you and not really care for you is one of the worst feelings ever.  At least I’ve got Kirst and Aaron and Pikeys (: 

Just a thought.

I was just thinking; Why do people say sorry if they do it again? I thought the point of saying sorry was to ensure the other person knows it was a mistake and it wont happen again

Lovin’ Life

Nahhhtt although I did really enjoy waitrose cafe yesterday! Trying to focus on the positives! The negatives are that work after cafe was horrible.  A man called scary told me my hair looked mad, this really posh bloke kept telling me how to pour his fucking drink when i was doing it right in the first place, massive groups of people kept coming up to the bar without knowing what they wanted and giggling for ages while i guessed what they meant, this man kept chatting me up…by continually asking “you alright?” but i think he might have had minor disabilities so i’ll let him off.  Then after work Aarons mum said she would pick me up but she was “running a bit late so hang on a bit” so after my shift (10:30) I waited for 5 minutes before going outside, I waited for a while then called Aaron to ask where she was.  At 10:45 she was just leaving a pub…to me this was really rude since i was stood outside in the cold and she had made no effort to even be on time, or to specify she would be at least 30 mins late.  When she finally got there (11:10) I was really mad but I just sat in the back crying after my horrible shift and her being late.  Then she was making it out to be a realllllly big favor to pick me up because it’s her “night out” and she “has never driven so fast” etc so I said “well you were still at the pub at 10:45 so you knew you were going to be really late” then she got even more stern with me so i just stayed silent.  Got back to her house, went to Aarons room, showered (she turned the water cold when I was in it) and went to bed.  Aaron was at his dads so I was stuck in his room with his angry mum downstairs, calling him to say how she “didn’t appreciate” what I said.

It’s not really been my year tbh, as much as I wanted it to be.  Just so you all know; my mum and pete planned on selling their houses without telling me, then moving in together.  When mum told me they had already put an offer in on a house they liked.  I feel so fucking left out of everything.  I literally have nowhere that is mine. 

School asked if I wanted to become “officially estranged” from my mum…it just seems so final.  She is still my mum, even if she doesn’t want me. 

Sorry if I’m not that chatty, or don’t talk as much as I used to but I’ve got a lot on my plate.  Well I always seem to have a lot on my plate.

I hope you’re all good! ♥

I came home earlier than expected

My little brother was annoying Kirsten and I so I asked my dad to take us home a bit earlier than I thought we would be going home.  My dad asked me several times to tell my mum we were going home but ultimately i forgot, until my dad asked me once more when we were on the motorway.  I texted my mum to say we were on our way home and asked if she was home, she replied saying i was ‘bang out of order’ and that i should ‘go back to cannock’ which of course we couldnt do.  Our argument went on a long time with me continually asking why it was a problem and her telling me I was ‘selfish and pathetic just like your father’ and that dad was ‘irresponsible and incompetent’ for not personally asking her before we left.  

After a while my mum said her and her boyfriend pete were at my nans in torquay but i still didn’t see this as a reason to not be able to go home.  Anyway I didn’t believe this, especially as there was washing up left, i couldn’t see that any clothes had been taken, her phone charger was there too.  Her car was there but it was plausible they had gone in petes car.  However, i walked past petes house and saw that his car was there which meant mum and pete had been lying to me and kirsten and being really cryptic, very offensive and out of line.  Pete didn’t even have my number but he went out of his way to get it to say ‘Ashlea i cannot believe what is happening here. Why in the hell did not think it would be nice to inform your mum that you would be coming home three days early.  I think for one it is bloody rude and two i am amazed that your dad did not think it appropriate to inform your mum before leaving home. i am shocked and stunned !’ I didnt know who it was but he quickly replied saying ‘a shocked and stunned pete !’. Whatta nob-head.  I made a genuine mistake and he and my mother are continually sending me abusive texts.

I called my nan to ask where mum really was but all I got there was loads of shit about how im a terrible child and i need to ‘respect ya mammy who does her best by you’ etc etc until eventually i got bored of being criticised, told her to fuck off and hung up.

In the morning neither of them would pick up their phones so i left a voicemail on petes highlighting the fact that he has no grounds to say my dad is irresponsible when he cannot pick up the phone to tell children where their mother is and would rather lie to them.

My mum then called back, said she would have kir home but i wasnt allowed home so i didnt go home.  Until now.  She just got in as i was finishing this off and she asked why i was at home then told me to get out. So off i go, into the rain because my mother is a bitch and her boyfriend is a cunt.